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e-mail: smykalin @ gmail.com
True romance
People try to find love. Often all attempts are undertaken in vain. Often it happens that it's not you that find love. Love finds you. It knocks your door. A real true love. Being half-asleep, you open your door and can't believe your eyes. It seems to you that you are still asleep and see a miraculous and fabulous dream. Or it seems that love probably knocks the wrong door. So you close your door and continue to sleep…
This a true story about real love, that took place when I was 20. I just returned from serving in my country's military service. I decided to work for a half of year before my entrance examination at university. I got a job in one place where once I met a girl. Oh, what happened to me at that moment! It was as if a lightening struck me. I got blind when I saw that divine creature. She was so beautiful that I forgot where I was heading. It's absolutely impossible even to try to describe her. Just saying that she had big and bluest eyes, blonde hair reaching her hips, a beautiful slim body, and long graceful legs means saying nothing. Her beauty was so natural, pure, and noble that all world top fashion models seemed to be just cosmic dust behind the brightest star in the Universe.
From that moment on, I thought about her incessantly. The problem was that my self-appraisal was so underestimated that I was sure that such a goddess would never condescend to such a mediocre person like me. It was very painful to see the way one young prosperous businessman tried to court her promising a fabulous life, or see like one admirer, a tall elegant man, came to visit her holding luxuriant bouquet of flowers, and see the way she smiled at him.
I had my guitar at work. Sometimes I played something from classical music. Usually I sat in a conference hall. Once I played there and the door was open. She was walking past and heard the sounds of my guitar. She came in silently, sat down, and started to listen. When I stopped playing I noticed that my solitude was broken, to my pleasant surprise. She asked if she didn't interfere. I said ‘No', but, in fact, I was very confused. She asked me to play something else. And I did.
So happy I was when the object of my admiration, again and again, found me when I played. Her visits became more and more frequent. While I was playing, she looked at me so admiringly that I wished the earth could swallow me up. Her wide-open eyes, staring in amazement and being full of wonder, could confuse even the Pope.
One summer day I wrote a confession song, bought five huge roses, invited her to my study, and sang…
(Well, you will not find the lyrics to be a song because it's just translation from Russian. I decided not to make English version poem for it may loose important shades and emotions.)
I’m afraid to glance into your eyes
And immerse in your ocean
In the reflection of the mirror
Of your amazing gaze
I saw enigmatic shining
That touched me
I’m afraid to show your eyes
And tell you bluest eyes
That I started to often think about you
And dream about something that is heavenly
Your bright gaze attracts me to you
But I don’t know how to tell you about it
And I want to glance into your eyes
And sink in your blue ocean and fly in your clear sky
Smile and let your gaze warm me
In the mirror of your eyes
I want to see my reflection
Her stare was really so warm and shining, that, while playing and singing, my hands and voice trembled. When she heard in the song the word ‘smile', she indeed presented me such dazzling smile, that everything around started to stir. When the song ended, I took out the roses and handed them to her. For about five minutes we just sat in silence and smiled
Well, that was the end of that tale. I just could not see my song as a real love confession. It seemed to me that I should literally tell her about my love to her. And I was afraid to tell it because of fear of unrequited love.
I got into university and had to quit my job. I wanted to see her again but could not find a pretext for a visit. And when after two years I finally I decided to make a visit, I didn't find her there. Her parents and she had moved to another city, another country. I didn't know where. One woman saw me and said that I was a fool for I had passed by such a girl, that lots of men had queued to earn her favor, but she had waited till I would appear again, that I had broken both her heart and mine. Even in my most daring dreams I could not imagine that I could have a chance to break her heart. I cried only in my early childhood. But at that moment big tears trickled down my cheeks. I realized that life gave me the cruelest lesson, and that I had lost someone who was the dearest and the most precious in my life. Forever!
P.S. I tried to find her, but failed. Now after 16 years I will certainly not look for her. I have a family. So she does. Nothing in this story can be returned. I would be very happy if she lives happily and loves her husband and children as much as I love my wife and my boy. I am very grateful to her for giving me a chance to learn to love and believe in real true love. During 8 years I couldn't get involved in a serious date with any girl. I always compared girls with her and realized that I could not to love anyone the way I loved my first love. Only after 8 years I met a girl who made me feel the same things as I felt about my first girl. I realized that at that time I couldn't miss my chance again. We have been married for eight years and every single day is full of miracles. I wrote it to tell you not to loose your love. It is very painful. Believe that somewhere your love walks and once it will find you. Don't miss your one to million chance and be happy!
